Cheer up! Not.

Cheer up.  I have to admit that I find that to be one of the most annoying phrases of the English language.  We say it to someone who is feeling sad, depressed, out sorts.  I think most of us mean well when we say it, but what we're really saying to someone is, "Your feelings are wrong, inappropriate, unfounded."  The implication is, you shouldn't be sad, you have no reason to be down in the dumps.  Cheer up!

Sometimes, it's okay to feel down. Sadness is a healthy emotion, too, and if you're feeling it, that's okay. We are too quick to rush past emotions we don't like. We are too quick to tell others how to feel, to tell ourselves how to feel. 

We have been given the full spectrum of emotion for a reason.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made and we can't come close to understanding the wonder that is the human psyche. You are fine just as you are and how you are feeling...you don't need to change...ride it out and let it be. Tomorrow is another day (quoting Ms. O'Hara).

I've been a down day. Lots of anxiety and sadness. After almost 40 years of this struggle, I've given up trying to explain it or change. 

I walk through these days reminding myself that I am worthy, that I am loved and lovable, that the world is still the beautiful and wonderful place I have always known it to be. And I hold to my faith that feelings are fleeting and fickle things that can and will change, that life is basically good, and that I am strong enough to walk through a little darkness now and then and come out the other side feeling stronger. 

The Book of Ecclesiastes in one I often go to when life feels chaotic.  It gives me perspective.  Today I am drawn to chapter 3:  To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:  A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.


It's okay to be sad.  Let's give each other permission NOT to cheer up!  Be kind to yourself and it will all work for good in the end!  For a season, we can weep.  And tomorrow, we will dance.

The Lord God Made them All...even the hornets.

I have an unreasoning fear of hornets.  Don’t ask me why.  I couldn’t tell you.  I’m not afraid of being stung.  Honey bees and bumblebees I find adorable.  But hornets, well, they bring on some very girly screaming and shuddering.  I have been known to abandon my young children in their strollers on the playground and run when one I hear the low drone of a yellow jacket.

Really, the hornets are the only blight on late summer for me.  Mid August  through to Hallowe’en is my favourite time of year.  Mellow days, cool nights, blue skys, white puffy clouds.  The fields are filled with golden rod and my favourite fall flower, the wild purple aster.  Birds begin their wheeling and spinning, filling the air with black winged acrobatics as they gather for their migration to warmer climes.  The squirrels are busy digging up my garden and littering my porch with walnut casings. 

There are pumpkins and squash and melons.  Everywhere you look the bounty of the earth is overflowing, in farmer’s markets, road side stalls, fall fairs.  Children walk to school in hoodies and walk home in short sleeves.  Frost greets us in the mornings and by late afternoon I see friends sipping coffees on outdoor patios wearing t-shirts and sandals. 

Yes, I love this time of year.  Except for the hornets.  I think it’s the way they move.  They hover, and buzz, and come right at you, with no fear.  They smell, and dart, move away, come back, smell some more.  They are not intimidated by my swatting them.  Maybe that’s it, perhaps I am suspicious of anything one hundredth of my size that’s not afraid of me.  What do they know that I don’t?

They get aggressive in the early fall.  I am told it’s because they are mating now.  You would think if they were mating they’d show less interest in me and more in other hornets.  But alas, each walk to and from school with my children has become an obstacle course…don’t get too close to the neighbour’s recycle bin…it’s covered in buzzing, stinging horrors!  Move away from those windfall apples under that tree…my worst nightmares are crawling over the rotting fruit! 

Where do these fears come from?  Why do we find ourselves overwhelmed by such unreasonable concerns?  I believe in the balance of nature.  I know that the hornets, like all the other insects, are an important part of our ecosystem, a beloved piece of God’s creation…but still…

As a result of my over-reaction, my children are now terrified of these buzzing yellow insects, as well.  And that saddens me.  Of all the things I want to pass on to my children, fear was never one of them.

Sometimes I think we encounter these fears in order to overcome them.  As I was walking home today a favourite piece of scripture kept running through my head, from Pslam 104:  

“ How many are your works, Lord!  In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.”

 I was reminded today that we were not created for fear.  We were created for love.  We were created to care for this fragile creation.  We were created to respect and cherish all life.  So tomorrow I promise to do better.  I promise to face my fears, to show my children that what God created is always good.  I vow to look a hornet in the eye and wish him a good day!  I have my doubts about this plan, but I’ll trust in God’s wisdom and I’ll let you know how it goes! 

To be continued tomorrow…Good night friends!

Today is a Good Day.

Today is a good day. In my life, it's the small victories that bring the most joy. My son is nine. For the past two days, he dressed himself and brushed his own teeth...without being asked, without prompts or redirection. That may not seem like a big deal for anyone with kids older than 4, but it's a first for us. A first for our son.

Today is a good day. Today is the success of more than six years of work to get here. Today I see the fruits of my labours and I have confidence that we will obtain all the other goals we have set for this amazing little person we love!

Living with a person who has special needs changes your perspective and makes you cherish all the little moments that so many of us let slip by unnoticed. I am grateful that God blessed us with this little man who makes me slow down, pay attention, and really WATCH my children growing up. Today is a good day.

Dancing for Joy.

Once again I am struck by the simple JOY of childhood. My little girl, in pink duckie pyjamas, is dancing with her brother, in his new Batman shirt, to "Life Could be a Dream". 

They are twirling and spinning around the dining room, bacon greasy on their lips, chairs left askew in their haste to bop to the beat. The laughter and giggles of this morning, the awkward grace of little bodies dancing, is destined to become one of the best memories of this season of my life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9G0-4TWwew

Paradise Lost....and maybe found again.

There is a simple pleasure in watching your children play when they don't know you are there. Just stopped by my son's school during first break and peered through the fence at him for a few minutes (a staff member actually came over to find out who the weird stalker mom was...very politely, mind you).

It was sunny, with a fresh breeze and he was running with abandon along with two other boys. They raced in big circles around the grass, arms wide, heads thrown back, big goofy boy grins on their faces...kings of their little world, filled with joy and innocence and the pleasure in moving your body that comes with youth and energy.

It took me back almost 40 years. I remember when my own body was that strong, when movement didn't require thought or effort, when my feet seemed to fly as I ran. I envy my son these days of childhood. And I take seriously my responsibility to protect them for him, to make sure he doesn't grow up too fast, to guard his innocence and joy as long as I possibly can. I pray that Eden does not fade too soon for you, my darling children.